Yesterday, April 26th 2021 was the closest super moon of the year. I was expecting a mesmerizing night view. What I wasn’t expecting was an intriguing realization. But first, let’s have a little story time. I swear, it all adds up.
This full moon, I woke up around noon from a peaceful night’s sleep. Out of habit, I reached out for my phone with my eyes still groggy. I opened WhatsApp and I saw the typical family group spam but then my eyes widened when I noticed texts from someone I haven’t spoken to in months. A friend with whom I had a falling out, an ugly one, and with whom I hadn’t heard since the year began texted me out of the blue.
I wondered, is he going to apologize for all the vicious things he said? Is he going to ask if I am doing okay? I mean, with everything that’s going on in the world right now, surely adults who cared about each other should be able to put petty differences aside. But then I read his first text and I understood. The only reason he reached out was to vent out whatever bitterness his heart still harboured. He sent me paragraphs upon paragraphs – thousands of words – of vile messages.
I was amused and annoyed. A dear friend of mine, Tavleen, said something wise to me that day. She said sometimes after you’re done with a person in your life all you can say is good riddance. And she was absolutely right. I’m glad that I did away with this man-child who had so much resentment and insecurity shrouding his existence.
I decided to go about with my day, trying to let this unwelcomed monologue affect me as little as possible. If it was a couple of years ago, I would have had a sort of emotional break down. The rabbits from all the dark holes in my mind would entice me to come stay with them. But I am no longer that person. I am wiser now in understanding what should be internalized and what should be labelled garbage.
I spent the day writing and building my website. I got an email from a publication informing me that they are going to publish my poems in their next anthology. An artist reached out to me for a collaboration. The day went exceptionally well. In the evening, my mother and I went for a walk in our neighbourhood and were blessed with the full moon’s glorious view.
Now, you need to know that my mom and I are moon lovers. We love it even when it’s as thin as a crooked half-smile. So seeing the moon, almost thrice as big as it’s typical size and in a rose gold shade, seeming to be so close to us that we could reach it, sparked an interesting conversation.
My mother told me how it is said that the full moon brings out every human being’s true colours. Whatever they are harbouring inside their heart is revealed. It can no longer be ignored or put under the rug. She said that’s why we should observe our feelings and behaviour on full moon days to realize some things better about our being.
It instantly clicked then. The reason that my ex friend felt the need to type out thousands of nasty words and send it to me after months of silence – and an understanding that there would be no communication between us – was because that’s what plagues his soul. Resentment, dissatisfaction, and a whole lot of grudges.
I understand that it isn’t a permanent thing. These are the phases of our lives and how we feel. For his sake, I hope he can let it all go and heal. I hope he can grow up and see things more clearly. I hope this all for his sake alone. I, for one, am wholeheartedly done with him.
My real self
I couldn’t stop thinking about what my mother said. I get that it’s not always that dramatic. We are not werewolves, after all. The full moon cannot always so absolutely trigger us. But I wonder, in what subtle ways does it highlight things about our subconscious that we try to ignore otherwise.
This theory, legend, myth, fact – call it whatever you want – also soothed me because it made me see that I don’t have any negative or positive lingering feelings for this former friend. And that in general my anger and sharper shaded feelings are pretty dormant for the most part. I’ve come a long way from my teen years where I would get riled up easily. It’s settling to see this growth.
It also made me see that the joy that my creatively productive day brought me is sort of the driving force for my mind. That’s what is going on inside me and I want to only fuel it further.
As for the next full moon, I surely will be more aware of my moods and emotions. What about you? Have you ever noticed yourself on full moon days or are you curious to do that from now on?
Feature image source: NASA science